My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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