So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
