It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
