anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
