i don't like sucking hair
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
