is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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