tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize