i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
