Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What a dumb baby whore.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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