but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
