They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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