dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
