Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
