the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
