What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize