I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
