OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
