Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
