We won't sleep together?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
