jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
