Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
