If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
