Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
