Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
