we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
