i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize