then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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