Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
