You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
