i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i now understand why vodka
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
