Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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