There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There r osticjed everywhere
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize