wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
