just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
