Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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