Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
