His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
