his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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