OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize