New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
