1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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