the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
