Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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