did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize