Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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