I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
