i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
