Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
