Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
