so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
