so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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