my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
