Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
