Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
