Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
