what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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