we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
