We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
