I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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