I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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