The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
