That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
