Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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