Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
