I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
