You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
