I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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